Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
