Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
