first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
