Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize