Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
