My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
