On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
