so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have aggressive nipples.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
