so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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