Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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