Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
