Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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