I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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