I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
