I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
