Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
