I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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