Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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