I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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