You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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