would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
