We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
