he puts the penis in happiness.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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