i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
