so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
