So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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