wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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