"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
