Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
