Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
