Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
