So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
