I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
