And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
