I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
