i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
