Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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