Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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