there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
