I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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