It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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