peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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