omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
