I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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