yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
