my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
