you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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