It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
