Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
