Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
