so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
