what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
