I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
try to milk me bitch
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