cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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