So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
