Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
