my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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