I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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