you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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