So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
