Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just pee around me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize