Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
