I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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